A GUIDE TO CREATING A FORMATION GROUP : MENS’ EDITION

MEN’S GROUP

So, you want to start a men’s group. It can be overwhelming, and you may not know where to begin. Every group is different, but hopefully these suggestions are enough to get you started. If you would like more information or help navigating in leading your group, please schedule an appointment for consultation! tecumministries@gmail.com. 

THINGS TO CONSIDER:

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

It is very important to establish what you would like to accomplish by forming a small group. Maybe you are looking for community, accountability, formation, structure, or just some new friends. It’s important to have a tangible mission with measurable goals. Without this vision to focus us and enable the fruitfulness of the group, it is easy to lose track of our efforts and purpose. Again, be sure your goals are measurable. 

SAMPLE MISSION 

Building community through vulnerability while uplifting and accompanying our fellow brothers as we strive to live life more fully through Christ.

SAMPLE GOALS: 

1. To be vulnerable so as to build ourselves and each other as men, sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers. (Measured by: The environment of trust, vulnerability, and openness of the group.)

2.  To grow in confidence in our faith as Catholic men. (Measured by: Open discussion about our faith, the Church, and the world.)

3. To impact our households as spiritual leaders. (Measured by: Living a spiritually fruitful life outside of the group.)

4. To lead everyone we encounter closer to Christ. (Measured by: Invitations to events and success in evangelization.)

WHO WILL YOU INVITE?

Will you invite a few close friends? Open it up to your parish or area? If you need to have a closed small group for now, that's fine. If you are looking to build a new community at your parish, consider an open group.

Regardless, it is important to not become isolated from your parish or lose zeal for inviting new members. If you see new young adults at mass or parish events, don’t be shy to introduce yourself and invite them to events. In this way, you actively fight the natural tendency to become cliquey and insulated. Don’t stay within the safety of discussions with your friends; Christ, in His witness of accompanying the marginalized and the sinner, encourages us to go outside of our comfort zones.

HOW WILL YOU INVITE THEM?

Think about your communication method for inviting men to join each week. You may want to advertise through the parish website, bulletin, and/or via social media. You may want a text or email group, or use a group messaging app to allow for reminders and prayer requests.

WHERE WILL YOU MEET? 

We suggest meeting in a home. You could meet at your church or a cafe, but meeting in a home provides a level of hospitality, comfort, and safety that public spaces typically lack.

HOW OFTEN WILL YOU MEET?

We suggest meeting weekly. Even if some men are only able to attend biweekly or monthly, the consistency from week to week is key for accountability and community building. 

WHEN WILL YOU MEET?

We suggest choosing a weeknight and time, keeping it the same to build consistency. If men know you meet in the same location, on the same night, at the same time, they don't have to worry about figuring out specifics every week as they discern their schedule. 

WHAT IS YOUR STRUCTURE?

How do you foster an environment where vulnerability and trust is established, dialogue is encouraged, and renewed spiritual fruitfulness is nurtured?

We suggest a simple format that checks several boxes for the needs of young men, but it is up to you to tailor the structure for your group.

Begin with a half-hour of informal, undirected social time. This allows men to catch up and talk with each other about their lives, and the relaxed atmosphere reduces the anxiety of those running late, as young adults often are. Knowing that the first interaction will be casual provides a level of comfort and consistency. As the leader, be particularly sure to welcome new guys and introduce them to other members of the group.

Next, gather the men and open in prayer. Spend about a half hour going around the circle with each man answering the question “How was your week spiritually?” with the leader beginning and setting the tone. This provides an opportunity for vulnerability and accountability. While offering solutions may be appropriate, acknowledging the struggle and offering accountability is more important to promote accompaniment.

This time of brotherhood should not have a hard cutoff time. This is the heart of your men’s group and should be cherished. No man should feel rushed to share his story. If someone is struggling or starts to ramble, remind them of the focusing question: “how was your week spiritually?” or offer to come back to them later. If someone is consistently detracting from the conversation or unable to be succinct, talk with them privately and coach them on the skill that they lack: listening better, concisely speaking, or whatever you discern it is that they need to grow in. This is charitable, builds the more human virtues in this man, and improves the overall environment for the group. As a leader, it is your responsibility to listen to the men in your group and maintain an environment where they feel safe to share. 

Note that “how was your week spiritually?” subtly differs from “how was your week?” Without the “spiritual” focus, the conversation may last hours and stay at the surface level; with it, you are encouraging the men to be more attentive to the voice of the Lord during the week and to later share that experience with the group.

If there are too many men to share adequately within the half hour (praise God!), feel free to break into smaller groups for this portion of the night. This is to promote the freedom to speak openly, as some may not be comfortable sharing in a very large group.

After all men have shared, spend the rest of your time on the formation part of the night: discussion regarding the current book, watching a previously-agreed-on formational video, or whatever that may be. After this, conclude with prayer and requests for special intentions. This is another good opportunity to affirm and pray specifically for those men who shared struggles earlier. Afterwards, consider allowing men to stay and chat for as long as the host is willing.

The combination of these three elements (social, sharing, formation) are the ingredients for a deep, impactful men’s group. If we are able to open up about our victories and struggles with our fellow brothers, it is much more natural and efficacious to open up our lives to Christ.

We hope these steps help you create a course of action for building community in your parish! If you would like resource suggestions or help navigating leading your group, please contact us at tecumministries@gmail.com.